Oh look, I’m awake at 3 am.
I wish I knew how to stop this. It’s been over a month of waking up at 2:30 or so and being unable to get back to sleep until 5. This make for a groggy kitty when the alarm goes off at 6:30.
I’ve tried exercise and no exercise. Baths (with aromatherapy and without) and no bath. Sleeping with earplugs and without. With BOB and without. With alcohol and without. Reading before bed. Knitting before bed. Writing before bed. No computer. No chocolate.
All have the same result. – me glancing at the clock at 3 am, hoping that soon I’ll find the magic combination of daydream and position that will let me fall back asleep rather than spending the next two or three hours tossing and turning and having imaginary conversations in my head with people I just know are fast asleep themselves.
And yes, I’ve tried sleeping pills. I took them for three nights hoping to restore my sleep pattern. Yes, I slept through the night but had disturbing dreams that coloured my days even more than the lack of sleep did. Not sure if I should get more from my doctor or not. Definitely a visit is in order.
I am not liking it, this lack of rest. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t smile as easily. I’m having difficulties reining in my propensity to think too much. My emotions are running a tad too close to the surface and I am totally sweating the small stuff. Little comments cut deeply. Exhaustion has stripped from me the ability to not care about shit that I don’t need or even want to care about. I find myself wanting to pull everything, even the people and events at the peripheries, close to me so I can pore over them like a shaman reading the portents and look for patterns that aren’t there.
What has triggered it? Another present from the hormone rollercoaster called perimenopause? Probably. Stress? Definitely a factor. I have some plans in the works, both work and personal, that will likely go just as planned but there is always the risk that something could blow up and leave me worse off than before.
I really just want to sleep.